My awesome Ghostbusters prank

The little Ghostbusters wheeze you’re about to enjoy has been two years in the making. It started with this article in the local paper in March 2014, when paranormal writer Brian Allan made this plea to the people of Falkirk to get in touch with him about spooky goings on at the old Bellsdyke hospital in Larbert.

Well, of course I couldn’t resist. I wondered if by assuming the mantle of an elderly gentleman by the name of William Murray (I hit the ground running with the Ghostbusters references, folks) I could convince Mr Allan to print a paranormal account that was ostensibly a scene from Ghostbusters, padded with plausible background details and a liberal sprinkling of veiled Ghostbusters’ references.

The answer? Yes. Yes I could.

Unfortunately, Mr Allan didn’t manage to amass enough relevant material to publish a book on the subject; however, my account was finally published as part of an article that appeared in the September 2016 edition of Phenomena Magazine – a monthly, on-line E-publication dealing with the paranormal that enjoys a far-flung readership.

Read the account of (ahem) William Murray below by clicking – and then clicking again to make it full size:

Page 1 – The account of William Murray

Page 2 – The account of William Murray

I guess Brian Allan was ready to believe me.

Four days after the piece appeared on-line, I received this email from Brian – who, remember had been corresponding with my invented alter-ego on-and-off for about two years.

Hello William,
Just to let you know that your contribution to the Bellsdyke Hospital article went into the magazine this month and I did enjoy the reference to Ghostbusters along with the rather good anagram on ‘Pers Enggleson’ for Egon Spengler one of the actors, not forgetting Bill Murray.  I thought about it and decided to run with it anyway, because I wondered if any of the readers would pick up on it, so far none have.
Brian Allan,
Editor, Phenomena magazine


Clearly Brian was caught with his pants down a little here, but I’d like to take this opportunity to salute him as an impassioned, inquisitive, earnest and sweet human being, who’s clearly able to laugh at himself. He’s an all-round good sport and a good egg. I didn’t enjoy the necessary deception involved in this wheeze, and certainly didn’t anticipate the whole thing would be such a drawn out affair, from initial approach to publication. This was supposed to be a gag to tie in with Ghostbusters’ 30th anniversary.

And, remember, if you ever come across things that go bump in the night…

Who you gonna call?

Brian Allan.


Link to the website of Phenomena Magazine


Young Jamie: Kindergarten Cock (Part 3)


Let’s not beat about the bush here: this is one fucked up kids’ party. Not only is there an adult man there who looks like a) a Wild West saloon owner from 1889, or b) the lost member of the Village People, but also there’s a little blonde child perched on a rock with a mighty blue boner sprouting from his stomach. Plus, the moustache guy’s pissed himself. Was he thinking about the blue boner? Or was he thinking about the dead child with the green trousers who’s lying next to him? Jesus, we really knew how to rock and roll when I was 7. IT’S NOT A PROPER PARTY UNTIL THERE’S A DEAD CHILD LYING AT THE FEET OF A MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE HE’S ESCAPED FROM A TINTIN COMIC. Interesting to note that ‘I wasn’t dancing atall all (sic) through the party.’ Not much has changed. This is because when I dance I look like a spasticated sex offender. Sometimes, my top half will be doing a dance from the 1990s, whilst my legs are pulling off moves from the 1970s. Not a pretty sight. I prefer to stand around looking like I’m above it all, but really it’s because I’m conscious that any very limited sex appeal I might have possessed will be eliminated the second I begin dancing. My rhythmic style could charitably be described as ‘disturbingly epileptic.’ Anyway, back at the party I was content to go around ‘pretending to spray people.’ Maybe that was me with the big blue boner…