At first glance nothing seems to be too wrong with this picture. We’re going up to Tasha’s place to celebrate my friend’s (aka my step-sister’s) birthday. That’s normal, right? Wrong. Tasha’s a dog. I thought so highly of my step-grandparents that I airbrushed them from history, and even ascribed ownership of their house to a dog. Hey, it could happen in real life. I‘ve certainly dealt with solicitors dodgy enough to embark (geddit!!) on such deals: ‘Well, Rover, do you want to accept the offer of £45,000? That’s one bark for yes, two for no. Oh, and lick your balls if you want me to take an extra ten per cent… Goooooood.’ Never mind that, though. Let’s admire my grasp on reality through the medium of stick drawings. Hmmmm. Interesting picture. Tables, as we all know, needn’t rest exclusively upon floors. Tables can also be stabbed into a dog’s back; all the better to transport yellow hedgehogs that have been set on fire, apparently. How bizarre. It looks like the dog is serving an unusual canape at a really fucked up version of the Ambassador’s reception: ‘Ah, meester dog, weeth thees charred woodland mammal you are really spoiling us!’ Looking at the picture itself, though, my main question would have to be: what in the name of Jesus were we about to do to Tasha the dog? Maybe my young self had just been corrupted by watching Animal Farm on VHS, but the wrong one. You know… the bad one. Not the one that’s an allegory about totalitarian states. Don’t pretend you don’t know the one I’m talking about. You know, not the George Orwell one… I’m pretty sure Orwell never included a chapter about a woman being pecked in the minge by a duck, or a guy getting whacked off by a chimp. If you haven’t seen the naughty version of Animal Farm, here’s the tagline for the movie: ‘All animals are sexy, but some animals are more sexy than others.’