What a tough child I was. Watching Jaws 2, and then going swimming. Fear came knocking, I answered, and I kicked its ass. Up yours, sharks! Kiss my armbands, you finned motherfuckers! Technically, though, I wasn’t really going swimming. I was going ‘swinging the baths’, whatever the fuck that means. From looking at the corresponding picture, it seems that ‘swinging the baths’ involves recreating ‘The Ascent of Man’ in a frightfully multi-coloured way. Apparently black is the least evolved colour, or so said my disgustingly racist little brain. But, hey, never mind that: softball! Fucking softball! Awesome! Em… is that softball? Really? Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s a Frenchman defending the Arc de Triomphe against a blue-haired caveman on a very sunny day using only a giant spoon… which DID happen on one of our family holidays… Anyway, through analysing my pictures it‘s clear that watching Jaws 2 caused rigor mortis, and watching Doctor Who caused me to transform into a wooden chair, and then sit my chairy ass upon an even less realistic chair.