The reboot retains the spirit, and much of the premise, of its 1980s source films. We follow the travails of John Werewolf, a geeky young American exchange student, as he enrols at Lupine Academy, a Cornish comprehensive school on the brink of financial collapse.
After John is bitten by a werewolf (played with menace by ex-weatherman Michael Fish) he develops the ability to transform into a man-wolf. This comes in handy when he’s asked to represent Lupine Academy in a national schools’ sporting tournament, where his powers just might win the school a large cheque that could rescue it from doom.
Where the new ‘Teen Wolf’ differs slightly from the Michael J Fox versions is, for one, the choice of sport. You won’t see any basketballs here. Thanks to sweeping education cuts in the PE department, Lupine Academy can only afford a darts team. Also, there’s a little bit more evisceration, head ripping, rape and bowel chewing in this one. The UK’s racing pundit John McCririck has great fun as John Werewolf: using his opponents ripped-off fingers as darts; throwing the violated corpse of Jim Bowen into a cheering crowd; wielding a shredded beer belly during a gruelling fight to the death with Bully; and, at one point, even taking a shot from too far over the oche.
Jonathan Ross said: ‘McCwiwick’s Amewican accent is a wittle hard to swawwow at times, but his haiwy man-tits,’ he admitted, ‘are just wight.’ Film Thrice-Yearly gave it one hundred and eighteeee out of ten.
IF YOU LIKE THIS, YOU’LL LOVE: Are You Being Severed? Werewolf John Inman savages Mrs Slocombe’s pussy with his sharp incisors.